Winter is coming


The world around me is headed towards colder times, and my internal world is no different. I feel that the  nursing of my subconscious is not able to hold on to all the repressed feelings for that much longer, and soon I will be placed in a raging emotional winter-storm. The first sign of this is my sleep. I have slept like a baby since my life became stable, and order/harmony became my default, but after court I been waking up in the dead of night, thoughts racing about what I should have said, how unfair I think the whole process was, and how depressing it is, that it might actually have been completely legal for this man to steal 7 years of my life, that i'll never get back. This pill is the size of a tree, so I have a hard time figuring out how I'm even supposed to put it in my mouth, let alone swallow it. Then again, it's only a gut-feeling. The verdict will come Tuesday, and who knows, I might be surprised. But i'm afraid that my sleep will not get any better for the time being, and that is something I'll just have to accept, until I have the strength to clean it up. I can only dream about court too. Whenever I have recurring dreams, I have learned that it is wise to listen very carefully. My dreams always knows my problems, and the solutions, better than I do. If only they spoke completely clear, but we all know how dreams operate, and it would honestly take some satisfaction out of the end process, if everything just came, clear as daylight. I really like the process of bettering myself. 

I have to drive today. The last lesson before my second driving test, so my feelings have to wait until tomorrow past 3. I am really not a spokesperson for consciously repressing feelings, since I know that the longer the repression time, the bigger the vengeance, but I can acknowledge, that sometimes it is necessary, and worth taking the future hardships - sorry future self. 

  

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